Psalms of Arrogance

I desire to, well
everything
ease in

staying firm in my ego
knowing beyond doubt
all could be fulfilled

and then I'd disappear
I've always done better
seeing things slip away

what do I grasp for now?
the landscape already conquered
dripping glass tinted with time

I knew the marbled glare
gasps of breaths uncertain
with untelling eyes

poets are supposed to speak of love
dumbass - love, remember?
melting sand reflects me

I loved you with ripping threads
bursting abdomen opened fragile pride
gentle winds blowing drops of desert sin

my beliefs were singular
clenched fists in dark pockets
sweat and twitching thoughts

I could catch you with my tongue
trapeze artist
and twirl you back to your perch

just jump, I'd whisper
the wind is so soft
just jump, I'd say again and again

because I know I can catch you
my arms are strong and comforting
they smell of the ocean's current

and I don't know whether to feel wet
or to wither in the sun
against my reflection

just jump, I hear

and I have to wonder
if those words came from my mouth
as I peer into the endless horizon

life narratives

It is part of human nature to create narratives from which to understand our lives. We are our stories. This invariably leads to a sort of "romanticization" of ourselves. Whether tragic, heroic, comedic, or otherwise reeking of some sort of hyperbole... there are some fundamental truths that always transcend our narratives.

Change is always possible, though change may cause our narratives to fall apart.

Many narratives are one-dimensional and often fall us when we try to understand ourselves and others. This often makes us confused, particularly when we or others contain aspects of multiple conflicting narratives.

Narratives are, at best, metaphorical and only represent an Apollonian life. Fundamentally, our lives are much more rudamental that we'd like to believe. Ironically, narratives are also far too simplistic in many ways. The human spirit is too simple and complex to be contained within the world of words.

Thus words are our prison, and they let us free.

The best choice is to embrace the freedom of the nothingness we've created and transcend our narrative boundaries. A choice so hard to follow through with.

I find a strong ability within my heart to love nearly everyone... and yet, so much pain and loathing accompanies this feeling. But worst of all... the distance is always there, and I'm beginning to think that this distance is not really distance, but the true enveloping nothingness that we all contain. I'm looking for people who will not mask the nothingness... but show glimpses of destroying the nothingness, or for those able to make the nothingness look beautiful and haunting. Those that make me see myself in these lights and touch my mind and heart simultaneously. Those small moments that make everything feel different and novel in an non-symmetrical perfect way. Those that show that life is beyond all of us, ungodly, magestic, and yet still humane.

A quiet refrain

remember when beauty was measured
by the avidity of a woman's eyes
irradiating the motion of oceans
against starlit nights fading, fading
into summer's glowing belly?

and when we'd lie awake gasping
under blankets of tigerlilies
lipstick smiles under tossled hair
against cold brackish gazes
at blank walls in quiet rooms?

I'd like to slip into something
a little softer to carry this
revivified unimpelling conclusion
to ride waves only viewed once
through blazing unbelieving stretches

fading, she casts away her soaked towel
singing a song she knows to herself
fading, my breath tightens under blankets
scaling songs as they trail away
to a deep well with unending echoes

fading
lightness of sound
fading
darkness of touch

my body melts to honey
as warm waves crash
carrying off the shore
and fades away

a descending melody
with a quiet refrain