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Teetering
I.
I am becoming convinced that
the more I share of myself,
the less people want to know.
I am more likeable
when my problems
are hidden,
and I am
pretending.
Which emptiness is worse?
I try not to judge these things
on how much pain I feel,
because I can withstand
it all.
But when will I stop
just surviving?
My fear of eternal loneliness
is cresting again.
II.
I dream of deserts, oceans, and the sky.
they are open and expansive
holding me in
a spectrum of colors
beautiful labyrinths
welcome me becoming lost
in the terrain
III.
the night sky is stunning
so I find a way to live in it
I visit everyone in my spaceship
if only to feel human
and to fool myself a little
to feel less alone
regardless
we all agree that tonight
the stars are somewhat hidden
by the smoke from a nearby fire
we look anyway
IV.
restraint and endless expanses
a disenlightened balance
between hot and cold
and skin and stone
I will be found somewhere
teetering
I am becoming convinced that
the more I share of myself,
the less people want to know.
I am more likeable
when my problems
are hidden,
pretending.
Which emptiness is worse?
I try not to judge these things
on how much pain I feel,
because I can withstand
it all.
But when will I stop
just surviving?
My fear of eternal loneliness
is cresting again.
II.
I dream of deserts, oceans, and the sky.
they are open and expansive
beautiful labyrinths
welcome me becoming lost
in the terrain
III.
the night sky is stunning
so I find a way to live in it
I visit everyone in my spaceship
if only to feel human
and to fool myself a little
regardless
we all agree that tonight
the stars are somewhat hidden
by the smoke from a nearby fire
IV.
restraint and endless expanses
a disenlightened balance
between hot and cold
and skin and stone
I will be found somewhere
posted by Will at 7:12 PM
2 Comments:
this is very honest. thank you.
"I am becoming convinced that
the more I share of myself,
the less people want to know. I am more likeable when my problems
are hidden, and I am pretending."
Yes. Nothing has ever been truer, dear friend. Case in point, banned books. Case in point, put on a happy face, inject Botox, buy something, watch reality TV, and you're all better. The idea is we should not think often as possible. Let it slide. Close your eyes. Shut your mouth. Be good. Fall in line.
We're on our way to Naziville. I mean, really, that was all about censorship and controlled media and ignorance and then identifying someone to blame for the fact everyone was so damned ignorant.
Listen. People loathe the truth, reality, pain, enlightenment, and hard work. We can't stand the ugly side of humanity, our raw inner selves. We're obsessed with appearances and money in order to avoid intimacy and thought. The quiet. Outside the box. Self.
Another thing, too, Will, is I lost some so called "friends" during the time I blogged. Why? Because, and I quote, "your honesty makes me uncomfortable." Wow. Or not so wow.
No matter how much you point the finger at yourself, you'll intimidate or downright piss other people off because we're taught that self implication is weak, unattractive, punishable. Your honesty simply reminds other people what lengths they go to in order to avoid that same sort of self reflection and honesty.
Peace,
A
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