I can tell you all this right now -

Everything I write is a confessional. Every action, every word... everything. Were that it weren't... were that it was easy, that my life flowed from me like an easy meadering brook. But instead, I feel a constant need to instead tear each thing out of me in pieces. This is how things come from me. The alternative is absence, silence, or neglect.

The advantages (or disadvantages, as you see it) of this, is the intimacy of it. I can't help but feel the weight of what I do in almost the same light as Sartre writes of the "anguish" of how each decision in life matters as we would life as if we were living for every man. There is a weight, a heaviness, a seriousness even in my humor and comedy.

I am alienated, and I can say I've been thus all my life since I can remember. But don't mistake that for emotional distance. That is something else. I carry my emotions close to my chest and feel quite heavy the weight of what transpires around me and with me. As much as I may write about distance, alienation, and meaninglessness or the collapse of meaning... do not forget that the weight of all comes from a real emotional place and I feel this all come forth as a confession, an inescapable will to testify. I can't feel shame for it, despite knowing this discomfort this may put others in. It is my being.