Dialed in Panic

the crackling walls
smell like radio static
popping and scratching
against air currents

through the chaos
scattering matter like ashes
blown skyward

Why are you depressed

what's wrong with me?

Why aren't you horny

what's wrong with me?

dancing particles squeezed
through pinched arteries
and a tightened chest
relaxed by unconscious flailing

I understand why
you would want more from me
but how could you think
you would want more for me?

my quest for nothingness
upends itself in overabundances
of free radicals pacing my mind
destroying everything

I am left with a mangled body
broken reason flooded levies
self-disgust and the flat-line
resembling the heartbeat of love

I am left

a disappointment