Refuge

as quietly as possible
I want you to know
that I am seeking refuge
from seeking refuge

slumming around in bakeries
filled with stale bread
drinking warm water
out of chipped glasses

listening to music
that I hate
and turning up the volume

masturbating and stopping
before I come

retelling stories
that I'd swore
never to tell again

can you smell
the burnt plastic
overtaking the air?

honey,
your eyes are on fire
and I'm afraid to touch you

and lastly,
I do everything I can
before I go to bed
to ensure a horrible
restless sleep


I wouldn't call it a conscious decision

exactly

I just
needed a new way of coping