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post-script to nothing
Maybe trying to become a "whole person" isn't worth the effort. I've felt better in my isolation than I have in a long time. Anti-capitalists complain about the system being rigged to force everyone into the bondage of work. Anti-socialists complain that the state has too much control over how we work. Labor is the word of the day, but it doesn't matter really where you side - people are made to work. Voltaire got it right in Candide.
I could lament my aloneness, my lack of having a girlfriend or people to hang out with. I could lament a lot of things, but when it comes down to it - I want so little from others... I'm assuming this is why I'm bad at that whole "love thing" and why so few feel that they actually know me. I think that if I felt sad I'd be more inspired to write.
As it is, I'm very busy doing things that I like. I wonder how long that can sustain me.
I could lament my aloneness, my lack of having a girlfriend or people to hang out with. I could lament a lot of things, but when it comes down to it - I want so little from others... I'm assuming this is why I'm bad at that whole "love thing" and why so few feel that they actually know me. I think that if I felt sad I'd be more inspired to write.
As it is, I'm very busy doing things that I like. I wonder how long that can sustain me.
posted by Will at 10:37 PM
3 Comments:
I thin k it can sustain you a very fucking long time.
Peace.
Weird thing I said to a friend the other day: people who don't need people are the luckiest people of all.
Does that make any sense at all?
I took a psych test once, right, and it was supposed to identify particular less-than-becoming psychological traits about myself.
Top of the list: anti-social. So what?
A
Thanks for the response. I think it is actually really helpful to hear this from you, because I think you understand better than most.
And you know... it isn't that I think of myself as anti-social, it is just so hard to find a reward that equals the effort put in. I have all of these driving passions with music and writing and philosophy and politics - it is really, really hard to find people in your life that add to your passions instead of take precious time away from them.
Of course, part of this fatigue with others probably has to do also with being in a line of work that involves me being incredibly social for long periods of time.
In any event, it is really hard to visualize what comes next for me because I can't visualize the social aspect of my life that I'd like to create. And the way things are going now - it seems almost completely like a secondary concern.
Will, fuck yeah, I relate.
I was a stripper five years and then I was a teacher, and now I'm steeped in a job that involves customer service. At the end of the day the only person I wish to exude any effort to is my son.
That's about it.
I'm tired.
But also, I want to write.
It's not that I hate humanity. In fact, I love humanity because I want to make the world better for my son, and because I want to enlighten humanity as an artist.
It's hard, to want to connect but to also feel at odds.
Love,
A
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