Phrases/words I struggle with

Answering, "how are you?" - most of the time I don't know how I'm doing, at least in generic phrases or ideas. To go along with that -

"Happy" - can't say I know what that really is. Most people think of it as a sort of contented state, and generally I don't feel good when I'm content. I need to be challenged all of the time. When I'm not challenged, I'm not happy. So when everything is "good" and I've got nothing to complain about, that is probably when I'm least "happy".

"Bored" - I don't believe in it anymore. When I am doing nothing, potentially for hours on end... my mind and body continue in their own way. Growing up, I spent a lot of time on my own. I can handle silence, loneliness, and inactivity. If for some reason I don't feel that way... I'll do something.

"Depressed" - I have throughout almost my entire life suffered from a sort of malaise or ennui at my surroundings. The absurdity of life is crushing at times. The fact that I exist at all is a miracle... not in the sense that I'm alive and its this sort of amazing gift from God, but that I've actually chosen to life and participate in the world around me. The struggle I have with talking about "depression" is that I know that a certain vaccuous hole exists in me and always will... is that depression? is that just my personality? I am able to live just fine, people think that I'm funny, I'm successful in my job... this state of being seems only to effect me in a general sense, mostly external to others on their periphery. I figure if I can continue to exist and live as I do, I'm winning the battle.