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I can honestly tell you that I don't get bored. I like to think of myself as some sort of zen master, but I don't think that's it. If I were a zen master I would go out of my way more to be completely in silence, in some sort of bamboo room maybe, or I'd go out into the wilderness by myself with a canteen of water. I would do that at least once a month, but I'd try to do it every weekend. Sometimes I would even go after work.
Actually, I think I don't get bored because I am overstimulated all of the time. My job feels like getting hit with a strobe light that alternates in colors. Red. Blue. Green. Red. Blue. Green. Red-blue. Green-red. Purple. Whatever. Whenever I'm able to slow everything down I can start making sense of the colors and chart them out on a ven diagram.
Actually, I just work with teenagers that mostly have ADD and ADHD. They gave me ADD as an accidental present. Not really, but it feels like it sometimes.
I get off work and try to make sense of my life. I do this by turning on the radio and forgetting everything that happened for the past 10 hours. Then sometimes I stop at the store on the way home and buy Twizzlers or a Coke. When I do this, I have a fight in my head as to whether it is worth the time to actually pull off the road, find a parking spot, walk into the store, go to the aisle that has what I want, grab the item, go to the checkout stand, get out my wallet, and then pay. I don't like the paying part because I'm not friends with cashiers and its their job to ask me if "I found everything all right." They have to do that, because when they look at my blank face I'm sure they don't really think "this guy is missing something and needs my help." I think they just see nothing. Maybe they judge the food I buy. I think about that sometimes, but then I think that these people work in grocery stores and they're usually over-weight and this is their life and they see everybody buy everything and it is all really nihilistic so who gives a shit about any of it all? Really.
So in some way the decision is made while I'm driving, but I don't really know which decision I make most of the time until I find myself turning on my blinker or not turning on my blinker. Once I do that, I'm committed.
I watch the news when I get home, several hours of it usually. Unless a game is on. Then I might watch that, or will certainly watch it if it is my team. I check my email, facebook, and myspace. All I want to know is if anyone had anything to say to me. It takes 2 minutes. Then I'll check news sites and blogs that are critical about the things I am critical about. Sometimes we disagree, but not often. I try to read blogs I always disagree with once in a while, but it isn't usually worth the effort. Their logic and evidence is too easy to puncture holes in so it isn't worth it. That doesn't usually take long either.
Then I do whatever. Play games, play music, write music, listen to music, read, play with my dog, talk to people on AIM or Facebook or even call people once in a while. I can't really say why I choose one or the other, I just do it.
Sometimes when I try to hang out with people I find out that they're going to be really late, and it isn't a big deal for me to just hang out doing nothing except walking around looking at things, or sitting someone looking at things, or just thinking. I read philosophy and a lot of political stuff, and I try to put the ideas together. Or I'll think about my life and analyze it.
I like my job, but I don't think I'm being challenged enough. Sometimes I think about going to Africa, but not to the countries that have a lot of violence. I think I'd like to go somewhere on the African coast along the Mediterranean Sea. I am a desert guy, but I like being by water. I don't like swimming though. I just like the air, and how it looks. How at certain times in the day looking at the water with the sun reflecting on it reminds you of the cold certainty of the world. Not that I think about dying, I think more about how the world is big and time is endless and I just am and it doesn't make any sense but the feel of sun and the wind with the scent of the salt water is good.
I like mountains too, but not as much.
Actually, I think I don't get bored because I am overstimulated all of the time. My job feels like getting hit with a strobe light that alternates in colors. Red. Blue. Green. Red. Blue. Green. Red-blue. Green-red. Purple. Whatever. Whenever I'm able to slow everything down I can start making sense of the colors and chart them out on a ven diagram.
Actually, I just work with teenagers that mostly have ADD and ADHD. They gave me ADD as an accidental present. Not really, but it feels like it sometimes.
I get off work and try to make sense of my life. I do this by turning on the radio and forgetting everything that happened for the past 10 hours. Then sometimes I stop at the store on the way home and buy Twizzlers or a Coke. When I do this, I have a fight in my head as to whether it is worth the time to actually pull off the road, find a parking spot, walk into the store, go to the aisle that has what I want, grab the item, go to the checkout stand, get out my wallet, and then pay. I don't like the paying part because I'm not friends with cashiers and its their job to ask me if "I found everything all right." They have to do that, because when they look at my blank face I'm sure they don't really think "this guy is missing something and needs my help." I think they just see nothing. Maybe they judge the food I buy. I think about that sometimes, but then I think that these people work in grocery stores and they're usually over-weight and this is their life and they see everybody buy everything and it is all really nihilistic so who gives a shit about any of it all? Really.
So in some way the decision is made while I'm driving, but I don't really know which decision I make most of the time until I find myself turning on my blinker or not turning on my blinker. Once I do that, I'm committed.
I watch the news when I get home, several hours of it usually. Unless a game is on. Then I might watch that, or will certainly watch it if it is my team. I check my email, facebook, and myspace. All I want to know is if anyone had anything to say to me. It takes 2 minutes. Then I'll check news sites and blogs that are critical about the things I am critical about. Sometimes we disagree, but not often. I try to read blogs I always disagree with once in a while, but it isn't usually worth the effort. Their logic and evidence is too easy to puncture holes in so it isn't worth it. That doesn't usually take long either.
Then I do whatever. Play games, play music, write music, listen to music, read, play with my dog, talk to people on AIM or Facebook or even call people once in a while. I can't really say why I choose one or the other, I just do it.
Sometimes when I try to hang out with people I find out that they're going to be really late, and it isn't a big deal for me to just hang out doing nothing except walking around looking at things, or sitting someone looking at things, or just thinking. I read philosophy and a lot of political stuff, and I try to put the ideas together. Or I'll think about my life and analyze it.
I like my job, but I don't think I'm being challenged enough. Sometimes I think about going to Africa, but not to the countries that have a lot of violence. I think I'd like to go somewhere on the African coast along the Mediterranean Sea. I am a desert guy, but I like being by water. I don't like swimming though. I just like the air, and how it looks. How at certain times in the day looking at the water with the sun reflecting on it reminds you of the cold certainty of the world. Not that I think about dying, I think more about how the world is big and time is endless and I just am and it doesn't make any sense but the feel of sun and the wind with the scent of the salt water is good.
I like mountains too, but not as much.
posted by Will at 11:41 AM
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