I am a Celebrity Star (and I Will Go Far)

1) Michael Jackson's hips forge my new destiny.

I am a celebrity star
(and I will go far)

I met Michael Jackson
in a dream, and his dance hips
spun a hypnotic wave
through space and time
driving a wedge into fate
which collapsed destiny

I was a normal man
with normal alienation
and a normal fear of cameras
and then Michael Jackson's hips
sent me moonwalking to stardom

I first realized I was a star
while receiving a text message
responding to a picture
I'd taken of myself

"niiiiiiice"

I am becoming a celebrity star
and I am going far

I hide from paparazzi
with clever disguises

I fall in love with celebrities
and break their hearts
(and they break mine)

I am becoming a celebrity star
and I am going far

my self-awareness is a function
of understanding what others see

my self-awareness is keen attention
how I look and sound on a screen

my self-awareness is understanding
how I do just the right thing
make you want to be like me

I am a celebrity star
and I will go far

you feel that you know me
you feel that you know me
you feel that you know me
and it makes you sad

2) Disambiguation

I'll never know if you really know me
I'll never know if you love me for me
I'll never know if I am my role or myself
I'll never know if I'll ever know

3) The Neo-Social Compact

The only way to make a real difference
is for people to identify with your brand.

I am a product

I am a product

I am a product

I am a product

(you can't get enough)

My concern for humanity is endearing,
and this endearment is not nearly good enough.

4) The validity of arguments.

A man is his actions
A woman is herself viewing her actions
A celebrity's actions are cultural currency

I feel sorry for Daisy and mad at VH1 for putting her on TV instead of in therapy. I am mad at myself for watching. I make jokes at everyone's expense (these are funny jokes). I marvel that Brooke Hogan has her own show and has music videos and albums for sale despite her public-private life. I think anyone's mother who would have a relationship with her daughter's classmate needs therapy. I think everyone needs therapy. I think the field of therapy needs therapy. I am sometimes able to read dense sentences from Nietzsche's "Beyond Good and Evil" in my dreams, but when I wake up the sentences are quotes from Paris Hilton and Donald Trump. I watch the evening news and yell at the news anchors for spending more time on celebrities than the Iraq War, the Afghanistan War, the Iran elections, Darfur, the War in the Congo, and for never fact-checking bald-faced lies politicians say.

Not every argument is valid. Every argument is not valid. One of these things is true.

5) I dreamt that I met a celebrity and I was a normal person.

I've never had a dream that I was a celebrity trying to be a normal person. Dreams never work that way. We falter in the direction of seduction every time.

6) I am a celebrity star (and I will go far)

I need to be loved by everyone
I need to be hated by everyone
I need to be noticed by everyone

I catch your eye
and sex beyond sex
weaves a trail
up your spine

I am a celebrity star
(and I will go far)

I catch your eye